Everything I Knew is a Lie

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There’s no use in lying. Opalina Hart may not have the sort of magic body language reading eyes that I do but she does come equipped with the greatest bullshit detector in all the realms. I was mostly a good kid, but I lied here and there... mostly about being sick so I had more of an excuse to be with her. She caught me every time but didn’t do more than chastise me for it, she’d always spoil me silly regardless.

When Grandpa had no idea what the hell was going on with my eyes, I was seeing her every day for testing and care. Then after my situation deteriorated and my eyes got so bad I couldn’t leave my own bed, Opalina would make home visits just to comfort me, keeping me company on her own damn time even if there was nothing medically or magically she could do to actually soothe the pain. That’s just the kind of person she’s always been.

She’s persistent and will never take no for an answer, so even if I used all the charisma I have to try and play coy it wouldn’t get me very far. So I give myself up and offer to explain my story thus far to the woman who more or less raised me.

Opalina brings Zutiria and I to the lobby so that we don’t disturb Sam. There are three lounge chairs lined up in a row on the leftmost wall with a shared coffee table between each. After sitting down on the furthest seat and conjuring up some hot tea for us, Opalina offers us the remaining chairs.

Zutiria is being cheeky, despite her weariness. She knows full well how awkward this is for me, I’m sure of it. She’s definitely picked up all the context clues about my relationship to the good doctor. Instead of making it easier on me to explain myself and sitting on the free chair like a normal person would in this situation, the little lady instead chooses intentionally to sit atop my lap, straddling one of my legs and sipping tea as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

If this bothers Opalina she doesn’t show it. If anything I think she’s amused...

I let out a deep, awkward sigh and begin explaining everything up until this point. Sam’s uncanny arrival, the effect the girls have on me, the weird destiny whisperings in my heart, the magic semen. Every last detail, no matter how awkward. Everything. Zutiria chimes in every so often when it relates to her but for the most part she simply lets me tell my story, sipping away happily.

When it’s finally, FINALLY over, I sigh once again and the overwhelming embarrassment hits me all at once. I just explained my complicated adult sex life to my childhood crush and I have no clue how I feel about that. I’ve never seen Opalina blush before but when I went over that part of it her cheeks filled with redness. I’m sure that it wasn’t anything special, though, and she’s just simply embarrassed to hear that the little boy of hers she knew long ago has become a man...

After a lengthy sip of her warm tea, Opalina opens her mouth as if to say something, and then closes it. She repeats this process several times and I can see her black gloved hand starting to tremble as it holds the tea cup. At long last she manages to just get out with it and says, “Sweetheart. I mean this well and truly. I’ve never been at such a loss for words before in my long, long life and the only ones that come to mind right now are... ‘What the fuck’?”

“Tell me about it.” I groan and avoid eye contact, only to have my attention taken by Zutiria placing her cup of tea against my lips.

‘Drink, Sir.’ She commands, so I do.

“As adorable as whatever this may be,” Opalina points at Zutiria and I with her wand, “I’m more concerned about your relationship with the teenage girl in the other room. I mean, honestly sweetheart! How could you have pounced on her the day after she turned eighteen? T-t-that’s almost predatory if I do say so myself! What kind of person could do such a thing?”

Odd. It’s not often my eyes lie to me, but I know Miss Hart too closely. Sure, her hand is shaking, her eyes are glancing anywhere but towards my own and yes, there is a twitch in her throat making her voice quiver in what could almost be described as a jealous tone, but I’ll just chalk it up as stress from hearing the utterly ridiculous events of the past few weeks.

It would be rather silly of me to assume that her words had any sort of double meaning, honestly. I’ve known this woman my whole life.

“I’m very sorry, Ms. Hart. It was incredibly hard to resist given the situation with my eyes, Sam’s forwardness, and... the voice telling me to.” 

Zutiria smirks just a tiny bit. ‘You know, this is all rather humorous when it’s summed up like this. It almost sounds like the sexual fantasies of someone with a rather poor imagination. Or something out one of the numerous erotic tomes you’ve got littered about your bedroom, Sir.’

Before I can respond to this embarrassing callout. Opalina sighs and palms her forehead. “You’ve got that right, little one. If it were anyone else telling me such a story I’d have them locked up in the nearest Sanitarium and throw away the key.” After taking another sip and setting down her tea cup for good, Opalina finally looks back to me. “So you really, truly hear voices telling you to... finish inside women and claim them as your own...?”

“Please don’t make me answer this. I’ve embarrassed myself enough in front of you today, Miss Hart.” I know she won’t let this one slide, but it’s worth a shot.

“Don’t be coy with me, young man.”

“Yes... it’s true.”

“Well if the Princess and your little lap friend are your women, then how are you planning to deal with the responsibility behind such a ridiculous claim? Are you going to marry Her Royal Highness and rule all of Karnalle together, your little trusted court magician by your side?”

“Gods, no! That’s... not a problem for right now.”

Zutiria cuts in and makes the situation even worse for me. The tiniest blush appears on her cheeks as she reaches over, picks up my hand and holds it up to her chest so I can feel her tiny heart beating. ‘I have already suggested marriage in the future, and should Sir desire it I am certain Sammy would be amenable to it as well. We’re already more than happy sharing as it is.’

Opalina’s cheeks flare up so hotly that if I didn’t know any better I’d have guessed she burnt her tongue on her tea. “...R-right. And the King?”

‘As stated before, I’ve lived in the castle since before Sammy was born. I’ve known her father just as long. Don’t tell Sammy I said this, Sir, but Theo is a lot different than her impression of him. He’s kind, heroic, misguided and imperfect to a fault, but he gave me a home when I had nowhere else to go.’

I let her words sink. I never really questioned why Zutiria lived in the castle tower, let alone imagined it had something to do with Sam’s dad. To be fair I don’t ask either girl anything about their sordid pasts, I only know what tidbits they let me hear.

“You really don’t think he’d mind if I just... walked up and asked...?” The thought boggles my mind so damned much that I have trouble getting the words out. I can’t ever imagine just walking up to the throne, bending the knee and asking before the King and his entire court for Sam’s hand in marriage.

‘Trust me, Sir.’ She smiles and leans in to peck me delicately on the cheek, right in front of Opalina.

It’s then that I notice the doctor’s lip is trembling and small tears are forming in the corner of her eyes. “Un... unacceptable... I can’t... approve of this! You weren’t supposed to grow up this fast!!” Opalina surprises everyone in the room as she starts bawling, and smashes her tea cup into a thousand pieces on the coffee table sat between us while trying to casually set it down.


I blink, incredulously. I’ve never heard Opalina yell like this. I’ve never heard her yell at all, actually, and I’ve certainly never seen her cry or throw a tantrum or... whatever the hell this is.

“Miss Hart... are you, alright?”

“Yes.” She smiles, all traces of her little outburst now somehow gone just as quick as it appeared. She quietly sips a new cup of warm tea which I never even noticed her conjuring.

I look to Zutiria, who is equally weirded out, then back to Opalina. “Are you sure...?”

She drops the cup onto the floor, and as it shatters warm tea splashes across the wooden floor. “Yes.” Her eyes, which have been a source of comfort for me my entire life, now twitch with stress.

I never imagined Opalina even had a vulnerable side to her, let alone... this.

“Yes.” She repeats, despite me not having asked anything.

Wordlessly, Zutiria leaves my lap and moves on over to Opalina’s, hopping up atop her thighs as if this were a completely normal thing for her to do. The little Mage starts mimicking the way I pet her during her night terrors, stroking Opalina’s beautiful auburn locks soothingly and slowly. ‘There, there.’

The three of us just sit in silence for a while until the older woman takes a deep breath. She looks at me straight on and hugs Zutiria into her massive sweater pillows as she does so. They’re so big that the only part of Zutiria’s head I can even see anymore is her beret. “I like this one. You can’t have her back. You don’t need her anymore after all, you’ll find another one since you’re such a playboy, young man.”

‘Help. Or don’t. Not sure which one yet.’ Zutiria struggles... I think? From in between Opalina’s more than ample cleavage.

I’m still not sure entirely what’s going on here. I know one thing for sure, though. In my deep depression I pushed away the only person I still had left who cared whether I lived or died.

I can’t ever make up what I did to her in my weakened state, but I can at least try. I stand up and kneel before Opalina with tears in my eyes. I bite my lip, struggling to contain just how shitty I feel.

“I’m sorry I never came to see you. I... I have no excuse... When they opened up Perlshaw’s Adventurer’s Guild I just lost everything... and... Miss Hart... Opalina... I’m... so... sorry...” I clench my fists from self hatred so hard I break the skin, trying my hardest not to sob. I’m stronger now. I’m better. I won’t sob... I won’t.

“Shhhhh.” As soon as Zutiria hops off of her lap, Opalina reaches down to pull me up into her comforting chest. She smells amazing, just like she always has. I hope I’m not ruining her sweater too badly... It’s a nice sweater, and I can’t help myself from crying against it.

“Honestly. Was that so hard, sweetheart?” She runs her gloved hand through my hair, massaging my scalp with a tender care. “You don’t have to worry... I’ve never once been mad at you in your entire life. You were always such a polite and caring little boy, troubled with more darkness than a child should ever have to deal with. All these years later and you’re still that same little boy swimming in his little ocean of sadness, but... at least you managed to find a nice pair of buoys to keep you from drowning.”

I pull myself ever so slightly out of her chest so I can look into her face, blushing heavily. “Opalina...?”

She giggles in a low, mature tone. “If only you weren’t so blind maybe you would have realized I was always on the shore waiting waiting for you, dear.”

Before I can ponder the meaning behind this, she utters, “I forgive you.”

I smile softly, though still greatly ashamed of myself.

“On one condition.”

“Anything.” I swallow nervously.

“Visit me sometime this week, so we can talk about everything that’s happened in more detail. Alone. I’m very eager to learn all about your new loves and begin spoiling them as if they were my very own daughter-in-laws, but not as eager as I am to drink one of your famous cocktails and catch up with you, sweetheart.” The smile on her face radiates pure, motherly love. I’ve been surrounded by so much sexual love lately that I’ve almost forgotten what an amazing feeling this raw, platonic affection can feel like. My heart’s going crazy. 

I’m about to mindlessly agree to her terms, but am stopped as soon as I notice Zutiria’s text appearing out of nowhere. ‘Sir, I’m sorry for being so forward about this but you know if you spend even ten minutes alone with this woman she’s going to assault you, yes?’




My face burns with blush and I look back at Zutiria.

‘...Really? You didn’t know? I don’t have magic eyes, Sir, but even I can read all the hints she’s throwing your way as clear as day.’

“Sweetheart? Did your friend say something?” Opaline tilts her head quizzically. “Zutiria, dear, it’s not polite to share secret messages.”

What happens next doesn’t do my racing heart any favors. Zutiria curtsies in the cutest way imaginable, lifting up the hem of her dress with her dainty hands. ‘I’m very sorry, Mother.’ She says.

Opalina blushes and begins fanning herself with her hand. “Oh my... oh my...!” She giggles. I can’t take this lunacy any longer, there’s no way that... this... is... oh god... her body language...

I’ve been tuning it out this entire time. 

This isn’t possible.

I filtered the data out thinking, ‘I know her better than that.’ or ‘She’s probably just in a weird mood.’ each and every time... but now? Now I’m just looking back realizing that the woman I idolized has been radiating clear signs of lust towards me ever since... No, that can’t be... My memory has always been very, very strong so as I comb through it I’m faced with a single answer.

It was a long time ago.

It was a harsh, Dewhurstian summer and I agreed to come over and mow her lawn since the heat was too much for Opalina to bear. I worked long into the day, shirtless and overcome with sweat. She brought me a delicious glass of iced tea and... she looked at me with those very same lustful eyes that are staring at me right now.

That fucking hypocrite- I was seventeen! She’s just as bad as I am, if not worse since she was probably in her forties!!

I pull myself out from her bosom and sit back down on the other, sweating profusely and my heart beating like mad.

“Can I get you some water, dear? You aren’t looking so hot.”


“I need your strongest drink.” I wipe off a thick layer of sweat and notice Zutiria off in the corner, showing more emotion than I’ve ever seen her show. She’s on the verge of tears, holding her hands over her mouth to avoid bursting out into laughter so hard it might tear up her vocal cords again.

At least someone’s enjoying themselves...

Opalina gives me a concerned look, but doesn’t argue and wiggles her wand around a bit, summoning a large bottle of whiskey and a small cup. “Would you like me to pour you a gla-”

I grab the bottle as soon as it materializes and chug down a gratuitous gulp.

The woman I’ve had a crush on since I was too young to know what a crush even was wants to fuck me, and I’ve been filtering out all the signs for fifteen fucking years now without even noticing I was doing it.

I should be jumping for joy, but it’s been a rough fucking day and it’ll be a while till that settles in and I can get shit sorted in my head.

“Do you mind if I just ask one more question, sweetheart? About the magic stuff going on with you.” Opalina reaches out and takes the bottle from me before I can have a second swig. It’s probably for the best.

“I suppose.” I mumble nervously under my breath, averting my eyes from her earnest face.

“You said you can... look at Sam and Zutiria without your glasses on without bleeding or feeling pain, right...? And that’s when you feel the overwhelming need to... breed them?” There’s an intense sadness behind her words.

Sadness that I now realize is jealousy. She’s seen me in pain without my glasses a thousand times, she was my doctor after all. Whatever the hell is so special about Sam or Zutiria, Opalina apparently lacks the same factor that lets me look at her the way I stare at my lovers.

And she resents this.

“Y-Yes.” I stammer.

“And it never happened before you met Sam? Never ever? I’m asking you plainly as your doctor, sweetheart. Tell the truth.” Opalina stares into my soul with desperation, her meaning couldn’t be any more apparent.

She wants me to lie and say that it happened one of the times I looked at her in my youth.

I’m about to tell her the truth, only for Zutiria’s hands to slip around my side and she quickly takes my glasses before I can even react.

Now I’m simply just staring at Opalina in complete silence, absolutely painlessly. No bleeding. No violent throbbing- at least none in my eyes anyway, no. Just the most gorgeous, curvy, full figured, largest... breasted(?) woman I’ve ever met staring back at me with a rising blush as she realizes now just what the hell’s going on.

Take her- it’s never too late. When a door is opened, you may as well... come inside...

Gods fucking damn it there it is, and now even my stupid bullshit magic creampie destiny voice is losing what little subtlety it had left and telling me to stuff the muff of the closest thing I’ve ever had to a mother.

‘Interesting.’ Zuzu smirks, and I swear to the gods I’m going to rip off all her clothes as soon as we get home and spank her tiny little ass for an hour straight.


Oh thank fuck.

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